Half Favre, Half VickSoxPublicHealthCareOption

Ugg…

Sorry it’s been so long. Work, vacation, slow news month and family visits have kept me from putting some words together in weeks.

This Brett Favre thing. I’ve written about it before. I’ll try to keep it short this time. I do have a couple new thoughts on the matter.

I don’t think Brett ever stopped coming back. I know he called off his return several weeks ago due to tendon damage in his shoulder. I know that (with the exception of the NFL network), Favrewatch was declared dead. In my opinion, Favre just didn’t want to hole up in dorm room for a few weeks and take part in training camp. I think that Childress, the Vikings and Favre knew that he was going to come flying in on his shiny Lear Jet and just didn’t want him to absorb (another) PR hit because he didn’t want to attend camp. Saying that this all transpired on a Tuesday afternoon phone call from Childress, well, that’s just a flat out lie.

I do find it amusing that in the pool footage of Brett walking onto the Vikings practice field for the first time he is shown struggling with his helmet. It appears that his helmet is too small for his head. (or maybe it’s the other way around).

The more I hear people hate on Brett, the more I start to root for him again. It’s slowly becoming a rule of thumb for me, if vocal America is angry at you, my instinct is to go the other way. Yea his behavior is ridiculous. Yea, I’ve been a vocal critic. But who are we to tell a man when he has to stop playing football? Maybe if he had handled the other stuff better, the retirements, the press conferences, the media zoo, this wouldn’t be such an issue, but really, the guy is a quarterback, not a publicist. His job is to throw an awkwardly shaped ball, not shape his image for America. My point is, he’s not exactly a savvy guy. It’s harder to hate a guy for incompetence. I’d be shocked if this whole dog and pony show was anything other than mismanagement by unqualified people.

Speaking of unqualified people, Brad Childress is such a dope. He looks like he should be teaching geology at the local community college

Mike Vick is the big winner here. The national media flew out of Philly before you could say rape stick. Our nations collective attention deficit disorder continues to be on full display

As far as Mike Vick goes, the man went to federal prison and served 23 months. Why shouldn’t he get an opportunity to work again? No brainer in my opinion. If you went to prison for two years you’d lose your job, but that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be able to work in your field again. We should be celebrating the fact that a celebrity charged with a crime actually served time in prison, not demanding more punishment. Don’t get greedy folks, baby steps. You all know that Dante Stallworth killed a man right? A human being, a father? Go check out his prison sentence and talk to me about Mike Vick. We love dogs more than people. I get it. I love dogs. Honestly though, Dogs>people? Michael Jackson is revered worldwide even though he may or may not have been a diddler but Mike Vick is a monster? I’ll gladly argue this point with anyone up for it.

I think Visanthe Shiancoe has become almost draftable by this new development. AP’s draft buzz is a universal #1, but this helps his status immeasurably. Teams won’t be able to load up on the run quite so often, leading to more space (and more yards) for AP. Easy money with that #1 overall pick.

Speaking of fantasy football, I love/hate this years draft. It seems like each position has three elite guys and a bunch of maybes and question marks. The rookie running back class is weak and the veterans are hanging on by a thread.

I believe David Ortiz.

If you’re in Boston these days, beware of falling sky. It’s been awhile since the Sox were as manic depressive as this and it shows in their fans increasingly bitter and desperate behavior. WEEI, not normally known for it’s rational commentary has touched on pre 2004 levels of illogical callers. Every time Red Sox Nation gets out their Patriots jerseys the Sox win a must win and pull them back in. I’m glad the Red Sox picked up Alex Gonzalez, he can field, he can’t hit, but he can lay down a bunt. I think we can all agree that bunting and middle of the diamond defense are essential components of a playoff team. As far as my beloved team goes, they don’t suck, but they have a real hard time beating good baseball teams and that worries me immensly. Clay Buchholz continues his run of top of the rotation opponents with Roy Halladay tonight on ESPN. I hope they can go 3 hours without bringing up ole #4, but I doubt it. I’d imagine that even in Toronto, in an MLB game, Brett Favre’s name will be said at least twice.

My game ball this week goes to Congressman Barney Frank. In the face of hundreds of extremist drones/operatives/nutjobs most members of our legislative branch of government have elected to forgo reality and try to engage these people in a civil manner. (As if they would do the same) Well, here’s some of Mr. Franks better quotes from a recent town hall meeting in lovely Dartmouth, Massachusetts.

“… he (Frank) gave up when one woman compared health care proposals favored by Frank and President Obama to policies of Nazi Germany.

“When you ask me that question, I’m going to revert to my ethnic heritage and ask you a question: On what planet do you spend most of your time?” Frank asked. “You stand there with a picture of the president defaced to look like Hitler and compare the effort to increase health care to the Nazis,” he said, adding such behavior demonstrated the strength of First Amendment guarantees of what he called “contemptible” free speech.
“Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table,” Frank said to the woman. “I have no interest in doing it.”

Thanks to Barney Barn Barn. I needed that. If you violently oppose a public health care option, I suggest you get laid off and contract cancer. Or better still, get cancer and be out of work for so long that you are fired and lose your health insurance. Or better still, pay hundreds or thousands of dollars a month from that point on because you are high risk due to your previous condition. This isn’t about Obama. This is about doctors who normally go to third world countries doing their volunteer work right here in America. Rural America, the new 3rd world, this time with Walmart and McDonalds. Get Diabetes. See if we care.

Until next time….

jjohnsonpro@yahoo.com

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The Man of the hour

No sports this week. Just some thoughts on Michael Jackson’s death and humanity’s response to it.

First of all, the Ayatollah had Michael Jackson killed to distract us from Iran.

I’ve come across an article that really blew my mind. So much of this story has made me cringe, but here’s a few things that really detail some of my gripes about humans and news organizations.

Man on the street, Michael Harris said “It’s like when Kennedy was assassinated,” he told the Associated Press. “I will always remember being in Times Square when Michael Jackson died.”

I’m not sure if this is a symptom or the illness, but why are we always looking for a JFK moment? These things declare themselves, but I swear to god every time something big happens, it is referred to as “It’s like when Kennedy was assassinated”

No, Michael Harris, it’s like when Michael Jackson died. Simple. Clear. A famous man died and everyone knew who he was.

Another moron with a microphone stuffed in their face:
“I grew up with his music. I used to wear Michael Jackson T-shirts every day to school,” (an unidentified fan) told CBS. “At my work I was the Michael Jackson freak! I loved him so much. I don’t know what to say. I’m just really sad. I think I’m going to start crying.”

I’ll just say this, I am so happy I don’t work with this person. To be known as “The Michael Jackson freak”, in 2009, and to be proud of it really says a lot about you.
Its almost like this person was happy he died, I’m sure the next day or two were filled with words of condolence, because the “Michael Jackson Freak” must have felt it so much more than anyone else…

Isn’t the term “Michael Jackson Freak” redundant anyway?

Anyways, as the days have gone on since the “King of Pop’s” passing, my irritation with society has grown. A few things to get off my chest…

Michael Jackson was not a great man. He was no Mother Theresa, no great philanthropist. He’s not like the guy who shovels his sidewalk in the winter or the guy tailgating you on your way to work. He’s not a person any of us can comprehend. I’ll leave his physical appearance alone, I’ll leave the low hanging fruit for others. I’m talking about the life of Jacko, his behavior and his actions for the last 20 years. This person hasn’t lived in the same world as you and I do for decades. If Jacko hadn’t been so Wacko, he would be thought of on the same lines as Prince, or David Bowie, eccentric musical superstars with incredible talent and extremely devoted fans. To me, Madonna is the best analogy for him, a former superstar becoming increasingly irrelevant in todays society. Still putting out albums and making headlines, occasionally going on tour and selling out arenas and stadiums world wide, but known as a star who’s brightest days are behind her. Instead, he became this Boo Radley figure, a larger than life recluse, a physical freak, a man everyone had a comment about, an opinion of, a joke to share. He became PeeWee Herman meets Howard Hughes, a bizzarro representative of the human race.

Yet people fall all over themselves to talk about how much they mourn his passing. They flood the streets of New York and Los Angeles. Stars book interviews and jump on planes to appear at the BET awards, all to show everyone how much they care, how relevant they are, how appreciative of his music and how much forgiveness for his lifestyle they had.

Let’s forget about the alleged molestation charges and plastic surgery. (again, too easy…)Let’s just take a little snapshot of the type of world Jacko lived in.

His three kids are named Paris Michael, Prince Michael and Prince Michael II (or as he was known, Blanket). Yes, Blanket.

If he was your neighbor or friend and he named his children these names you would mock him and question his sanity.

Two of these children are alleged to be from in vitro fertilization involving Jacko’s dermatologist (what a job, Michael Jackson’s skin doctor… ) and a woman who is yet unidentified, but rumored to not be the children’s “mother” Debbie Rowe.

The third child, Prince Michael II, (or Blanket), is alleged to be the result of a surrogate German mother who was fertilized with donated eggs and sperm.

If the person who so proudly refers to themselves as the “Michael Jackson Freak” worked next to someone who told that story about themselves, who would have been labeled “the freak” then? (and discussed ad nauseam behind their backs.) No one says, “I’m the Larry in accounting Freak!” Instead they say, “Have you met Larry, that guy in accounting?” “What a freeeeeeeeaak”

This is a guy who, while staying as a guest of the Prince of Bahrain sends his nanny to go buy a couple million dollars worth of crappy antiques in Florence, Italy, even though at the time he was hundreds of millions of dollars in debt and had no home of his own. (The antiques were put in storage.) The nanny was for his children technically, but according to various interviews and accounts she took care of him as well.

He had no concept of money or value, no understanding of what being an adult human being on the planet earth involved. He didn’t pay his children’s nanny or housekeepers, couldn’t care for himself or his own children, (or someone’s children anyway), couldn’t converse like a normal person. The guy was a child. He never grew up. He never figured out how things are done. If you dumped Michael Jackson on the street somewhere with twenty bucks and a prepaid cell phone he might not be able to find his way home. Ever.

Yet he was adored. Because he could dance and because he and his songwriters and producers made some great music that people identified with. Because people love kids, and puppies, and adults who make music that touched their hearts when they were young and free and innocent.

And they looooove to cybermourn. Which is not a word. Yet. When it makes into the dictionary I want credit.

By the hundreds of thousands, twitterers dropped Iran and Neda like a bad habit. Facebook and Myspace and Cornhole and message boards in every language filled up with “rEsT IN PeaCE KiNg of Pop” Every major news organization in the Milky Way abandoned the Iranian resistance instantly. (that story was getting old anyway, you can only talk breathlessly about the bravery of these people for so long before the public tunes you out.)

So Neda and her symbol of hope and freedom was replaced in avatars everywhere. People silently changed their “location” from Tehran to Neverland. Everyone had a chance to talk about how deeply Michael Jackson’s music touched them, meaning, they had a chance to talk about themselves, which is really what they wanted to discuss anyway when you get right down to it.

Oh, and North Korea threatening to shoot a NUCLEAR MISSILE at the United States? That didn’t stand a chance. I mean, they were only threatening Hawaii anyway.

At least I got to hear “Beat It” 647,000 times in the last week.

He sure beat it alright. And this mock mourning period our nation (and world) suffers under? It will be washed away in an instant by something else. The Yemeni plane crash didn’t do it, it was too soon and because after all, they’re Yemeni.

But Jacko’s days are numbered. My money is on the fourth of July. America will get wasted and fatter and high on firework fumes and the stench of two stroke gasoline engines and on July 5th we will turn the page. His memorial service at the Staples Center will be covered, of course, but by then our nations collective focus will have shifted. It will be back to trying to describe what the girl on “Wipeout” did before she fell on her face and landed in the muddy water. Uhhhhhhhmerica, land of the free and home of “Help, I’m a celebrity, get me out of here!”

This week’s game ball goes to Joseph Jackson.

With the world’s news media watching the first major presser from the Jackson family compound, Joe Jackson, universally credited for helping twist Michael Jackson into the freak show he was until the day he died, led off his statement by promoting his new record label. Joe was alongside Rev Al “The Ambulance Chaser” Sharpton, who wanted to help get his face on camera. I mean, who wanted to help protect Michael Jackson’s “legacy”. (where ya been Al? Like, when the guy was alive and tarnishing his legacy for the past 20 years?) Soon afterwards, it was leaked that Joe was left out of the will. No publicity is bad publicity, right Joe? Hey everyone, next time it’s Joe Jackson’s birthday (July 26th), celebrate by beating and mentally abusing your kid. It’s for their own good.

Next week, “normalcy” returns. Happy Birthday America! (Yeeeeee-Haa!)

Don’t Cry for me Argentina!

Well this sure snuck up on me. A Minnesota Television Station has reported that Brett Favre is expected at training camp for the Minnesota Vikings. Wow. What a shock! It goes to show you, no matter how long you follow sports something can always come up and completely blind side you. I mean, who saw this coming?

I’ll say one thing for Brett Favre, he sure loves playing football.

Can you think of an athlete who has tarnished his “legacy” as badly as Brett has? Or inspired such anger and hate by just returning to the game he loves? The list of athletes who overstayed their talent is long and star studded. No one talks about Michael Jordan’s time with the Wiz, Jerry Rice with the Raiders, (or the Broncos for that matter). Joe Montana with the Chiefs? Ray Bourque with the Avs? Willie Mays with the Mets? Tom Seaver and Andre Dawson with the Red Sox? I could go on and on…

Brett seems to be different. It’s really the perfect storm of American hatred, one that should be studied in sociology and public relations classes in universities world wide. “The Favre”, “Pulling a Favre”, Favreing” will become part of our language, like doctors do when they are the first to discover a disease .

Step one, become every analysts go to guy for the American dream.

Every time Brett Favre was on television, live or taped for the last ten years he was heralded as a god. Focus groups must have dubbed him as popular with that elusive 19-49 year old white male demographic. Everyone with a microphone had something amazing to say about Brett Favre. His “toughness”, his “love for the game” his “down home” “Uhhhmerican country boy” “laser rocket arm” “John Deere lawn mower” “Mississippi boy” “takes chances” “sandlot style”…

Soon it was all white noise. Madden’s love for Brett Favre became a comedy bit. Literally. He became this poster boy for how football should be played. A poster boy for what the game is all about .

Phase 2 “Flip Flopping and team/fan base jerking”
Retirement. In tears , sobbing, gushing, wet slurpy nose kind of tears. Which, is very unUhhhhmerican but most of us were ok with it because he, cue the music, “loved the game” so much. (BAM)

Then he came back! Which most of us rejoiced, because the guy could obviously still throw and “loved the game so much”

Then he retired again. Then he came back again. Then again. And again. America’s tolerance for crying men who flip flop on issues and set interception records is thin. Very thin. Even Brett felt the sting .

None of this would have truly tarnished his “legacy” if Phase 2 hadn’t turned to Phase 3.

Going to another team.

At this point, fans in Green Bay had pretty much had it. His safe zone was in shambles. With Aaron Rodgers in the wings and Brett jerking them around for months on end, Packer fans were secretly and not so secretly ready to move on.

Move on he did, to a team in another division, one with zero ties to the Green Bay franchise. His exploits there were a non factor, a sideshow even. By all accounts, he was not a member of that team, an individual only. He pulled a Favre again, this time referring to completely choking and forcing the ball when things mattered most.

Ahhh, but that wasn’t enough.

Phase 5

Thankfully, Brett’s “retirement” after the Jets was done quietly. A simple press release. No tears, no cameras, no awkward moments for millions of viewers. He was done. Well, probably done. Well, maybe I think might be should be could be done. Probably.

Fade to present. The Favre to Vikings drumbeat restarted almost as soon as he became a free agent again. Brett Childress pulled his best Ollie North routine with the press, denying all knowledge of anything. No one believed him. Most just shake their heads.

He’s going to the Packers biggest divisional rival. A mortal sin. Legacy destroyed.

Most people now hate Brett Favre. An epic fall from grace. A pure mix of flip flopping, oversaturation, the “Golden Boy Syndrome”, crying on camera, blowing it on the field, overstaying his welcome, and now, going to his former teams biggest rival.

He’s blown it completely. Destroyed all credibility. Broken an unbreakable fan base. Created a nation full of anti fans. Become a train wreck, an oddity, a carny act, a punchline, a catch phrase.

All for the love of the game. Good luck Brett Favre. You’ll need it.

Pop quiz, what are you doing on weeks 5 and 9? I mean besides watching the Packers play the Vikings of course.

Well, Shaq to the Cavs is a great move. Here’s why.

I don’t think they’re that much better of a team with him. In my opinion, Shaq slows them down and will hurt them down the stretch in games. His insatiable desire for the ball and attention will distract that team from the prize over the long haul. It will help that the Cavs have a center that plays near the basket. (Ilgauskas spent 3/4’s of his time on the floor 15-20 feet away from the hoop). Maybe Shaq can get some rebounds and start some fast breaks and help the team get out of that half court dynamic. Maybe Shaq can show up to camp in shape. Maybe he’ll accept the fact that he is not the guy who should get the ball every time down the court anymore.

A lot of maybes, and none of them include free throw shooting, 4th quarter absence, dogging it up the court or talking too much.

Let’s be honest though, the Cavs will make the playoffs as one of the top 3 seeds in the east next year, lead pipe lock. They will be a factor in the playoffs and may very well push themselves over the top. Especially if the management doesn’t sit on their hands the rest of the off season. They need a three point shooting forward with long arms and good D. Maybe two of those guys. The definitely need someone who can come off the bench and provide a spark.

Without those things, they may still win the championship. But it will take a herculean effort from Mr. James and a lot of luck.

Here’s why it’s a great move. Shaq is a max contract guy. He’s gone after this year. Guess who else is a free agent after this season? Oh, you haven’t heard? Pretty much every impact player in the league . This Shaq move allows the Cavs to say, “Hey, Lebron, look, we signed a max contract guy in 09. Now we can use that money to go after another max contract guy, a guy like Chris Bosh! If you resign with us, we’ll give you Chris Bosh for the next 5 years. And obviously, we are committed to building a team around you that can win every year, not like those pie in the sky Knicks or two year window Celtics. We’re the real deal baby, stay home!”

Which seems pretty convincing to me. Every move the Cavs make to improve their team increases the odds that Bron stays in Cleveland. Locking up a max contract big man for the 09 season is a great move on the salary cap and PR front.

A ripple went through the sports world when Manny “broke his silence” during his AAA tune up with the Albuquerque Isotopes . I’d like to remind all involved that he did in fact say, “I’m not talking about it anymore” (steroids use) and “People love me everywhere I go” So the whole “broke his silence” headline thing is garbage.

Ricky Rubio just went from teen heart throb and national hero in beautiful sunny Spain to being over scrutinized and freezing cold in Minnesota. I’m curious what he thinks of Minnesota women in January next year.

After one impressive season in the NFL, Chris Johnson has decided he is going to begin the time honored tradition of alienating fans and making himself look stupid by nicknaming himself. He was apparently dissatisfied with his current moniker, the “Dash” of “Smash and Dash” (LenDale White)
His new name? “Every Coach’s Dream” Which not only rolls off the tongue, it is definitely the kind of name every coach’s dream would name himself. Nice job buddy. Next time, just keep your tweets to yourself.

As far as I’m concerned if you go gather in the streets to mourn Michael Jackson you’re an idiot. My girlfriend says, “where are his his kids?” Great question honey. Now what happens? Does the staff of nannies take over from here? Does Janet get them? Tito? Latoya? Is there a mother? Exactly how much money do you think the King of Pop blew over the course of his career? Get your guesses ready, because it’s all about to come out. Drugs, money, rumors, all of it. When do Jacko jokes become appropriate again? I was telling them 10 minutes after the news came out… How about CNN and every major network following the LA county helicopter from Westwood (nice area) to USC (the ghetto) all hoping for a glimpse. “I THINK I SEE A BODY BAG!” It’s sad, really. I’ve never understood this obsession with stars in our culture and I never will.

The game ball this week goes to South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. The Mark Sanford who once said about then President Bill Clinton, “I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally (to resign).” In explaining why he voted to impeach the president, he said, “I think what he did in this matter was reprehensible… I feel very comfortable with my vote.” He added that Clinton lacked “moral legitimacy” (after his affair).

In case you missed it, Mark Sanford was recently caught red handed flying to Argentina to visit his mistress. He had told his staff he went hiking in the mountains and dropped off the radar. Apparently, Mr. Sanford told his wife and 4 children about the affair a month ago and had been kicked out of his house for the past two weeks.

Regardless of what side of the aisle you call your own, that smacks of moral legitimacy, don’t it?

Oh yea, one more thing, state money was used to fund an “economic development mission” to Argentina in 2008. He’s also one of the biggest bible thumping “family values” politician in the country.

Moral legitimacy and family values, to the core. Well played sir. Well played.